I remember

I remember those days.

The days where the world seemed bright and shining and every day was a new gift.

Life isn't like that anymore...

I remember being excited to go home and see my family. I remember running inside and giving my mom a hug and telling her I loved her.
I remember what it was like when I wasn't balancing on a razor-blade with anger on one side and sadness on the other.
I remember how easy it was to get out of bed every morning.
I remember actually caring about things.

I remember being happy.

A blackout poem

Death

A poem from a friend

How curiously unique is our existence. We fight to survive, put forth all resistance. With daily consistence, No God's assistance, Yet we plead with persistence, To he, who we believe possess all omniscience, Yet since forever people suffer from his negligence. Every one of us now lives, Every one of us will die, So enjoy life and all it gives, Cuz one day no longer will we try. With each passing moment, We grow closer to our death, There is no way to prevent, The day we take our last breath. One day we will all be gone, One day we will all decay, Our flesh will the earth feast upon, To maggots and shrooms will we be prey. At that point what will happen, To our unique personalities, A new life will we begin? Or are there no other realities. So protect your head. We cannot forestall, So we desire immortality. We'll be dead. And that is all. To each their own fatality. -Nesciently Labeled

MRW

mrw summer weather ends

MRW my friend says he doesn't like Zoolander

MRW I come back to AP calc after missing a day

MRW I'm assigned to a group with the hottest girls in a class

How to Lose Your Testimony

Hello. Yes, I'm talking to you, person who was going to skip this post solely because of the title. Is there a particular reason you were going to do this? "The church has said that we shouldn't read negative material." is what you might be thinking. Let me ease your fears. This post isn't about the details but simply the steps, and with that reassurance, let me begin.

1. Get baptized.

This step is key in the process of losing a testimony because it allows you to gain one (or so you think.) It is very easy to do, usually you won't be asked whether or not you want to be, it will just be an accepted thing, like going on a mission (if you are male), going to BYU, getting married in the temple, and paying 10% of your income for the rest of your life. Simply, a step towards staying forever.

2. Attempt to get a testimony.

Alright, now you are officially a member! Woohoo! Now that that is out of the way, it's time to actually try and gain a testimony of the church. The first thing you will want to do is depend on your parents for their testimony. They are adults right? They always know what is true. After piggybacking your parents for a while, you feel the need to find out for yourself, so you begin to read the Book of Mormon. This is a daunting task for young people and old people alike simply because, lets be honest, its really boring. Well, push forward and ignore the anachronisms of horses, chariots, and steel and pray every night to know whether or not it is true. You know eventually you will get an answer, even if it takes 5 years, you know that eventually you will know, so continue to pray. Not feeling anything still? This takes us to step 3.

3. Share your "testimony" with others

Well you might not have gotten an answer, but that doesn't mean that the church isn't true right? You have heard that the best way to get a testimony is to share one, so with this knowledge, you begin to share every chance you can. Fast Sunday? Share your testimony. FHE? Share your testimony. Ward outings? Share your testimony. Continue to share every possible moment in order to convince yourself that this whole thing is true. Eventually, you will begin to believe that you know what you are saying is true. Now you think you have a testimony.

4. Begin to dislike going to church

This is the first step for anyone losing their testimony because you begin to realize how much time you have spent. Church, youth activities, callings all take up time and eventually you start to get sick of going to church. At first you will be angry at yourself for being on your phone the whole time out of boredom, but eventually you say, "It's ok, I'm still attending." Now you will start feeling the urge to skip 2nd and 3rd hour, and soon, you do! "I went to sacrament meeting, so it's ok." You think to yourself. Continue doing this until..

5. Become interested in Church history

Ok, now we have reached a critical step in this whole process. You have begun experiencing doubts or have seen things on the internet that confuse you. " Joseph Smith didn't marry a 14 year old!" you say to yourself, " Well, maybe I should just look it up." After looking it up, you find "claims" that it is true. "These are just the anti-church materials I have been warned my whole life about" you tell yourself. But then you find Joseph Smith's page on familysearch.com and now it says that he had 34 wifes. WHAT? "But he loved Emma..." you think, "maybe the internet does have some truth to it."

6. Find the cesletter and mormonthink.com

After some scouring the internet, you stumble across the either one of these websites, and you read them. You are stunned at what you find, and try to console yourself. But as you read, you realize that you can no longer justify what you have read. You have come to the conclusion that you no longer believe. Now what? Well now that you have essentially killed and buried your testimony with truth, you probably want to leave the church. This is all good and fine, but the real problems come when your family and friends find out that you no longer believe. You may be ostracized and you might be kicked out because you don't want to go to church any longer. This is going to be tough, but if you can make it through this stage you will be free forever. 

7. Live life.

Now that you have found new friends, and have officially left the church, you are able to make your own decisions and live life how you see fit. Still want to abstain from drugs and alcohol? Go ahead, you set your own course. Don't want to have pre-marital sex? No one cares, its your decision. Now that you are out, you can make your own morals and values.

You can finally make your own choices. 

Anti-Jokes

An American, a brit, and a mexican are standing in a plane.

The brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!". The mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!". The american proceeds to throw the mexican out of the plane.

"Why did you do that?!" exclaimed the brit. The american turned around. "He killed my wife."

Guy walks into a bar and half his head is an orange.

Barman: What can i get.. holy shit half your head is an orange!! How did that happen??

Guy: Magic Lamp, rubbed it, three wishes etc etc.

Barman: What in the bejesus were your three wishes, half your head is an orange.

Guy: First Wish - I wished for every woman in the world to love me.

Barman: Right, that iss ok. What was your second wish?

Guy: Second Wish - I wished that I was a billionaire.

Barman: What in the hell was your third wish half your head is a frickin orange?

Guy: It was a silly wish. I dont wanna say:

Barman: Go on tell me, I'll give you a drink.

Guy: Ok well for my third wish I wished that half my head was an orange.

I like my coffee like I like my slaves.

Free.

Why did Suzie spill her glass of water?

She stepped on a landmine.

Fun Fact: If humans stood in a single file line around the equator, most of them would drown

Dif'ferent

I've never posted a video before, so here you go

uʍop ǝpısdn buıdʎʇ ɯı ʍou

wow 

such different

10/10

Why I'm failing all my classes currently

• I really like to sleep, so if homework tries to come between me and a good nights sleep, sleep wins.
• I have football after school and I don't get home until 6
• AP Calc is hard. Like I'm learning Russian and trying to juggle at the same time hard.
• I can't motivate myself to do the easy assignments I have because I feel like they are a waste of time.
• I've missed many days of school because I really like to sleep, like a lot. I love sleep. It's like crack, you can't ever get enough, but it also costs you when you get a lot, like making your nose fall off or fail a class.
• It feels like I'm trapped in a time loop like High School is never going to end and everyday is the same dream.
• I'm really lazy.

Brick stuff

Whats red and bad for your teeth?

A brick

This song has brick in the title, also I like it, also the lead singer is Roger Waters

One thing I find fascinating in that album is the way they explore the walls people put up. Everyone has a wall, and every time something bad happens people tend to withdraw or put another brick in the wall. It's interesting to look around and picture the different walls people have constructed throughout their lives.

Roses are red, Violets are blue...

Roses are red, 

Violets are blue, 

They don't think it be like it is, 

but it do

Roses Are Red

Most Trees Are Blue

How Can Mirrors Be Real

If Our Eyes Are Fake Too?

Roses are red

True love is rare

Booty, booty, booty, booty

Rocking everywhere

Roses are wow

Violets are wow

You are wow

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Some poems rhyme

This one doesn't

Roses are red, Violets are blue

That's what they say, but it just isn't true

Roses are red, and apples are too

But violets are violet, violets aren't blue

An orange is orange, but Greenland's not green

And pinkies aren't pink, what does it mean?

To say something's blue when it isn't, defiles it

But oh, what the hell, it's hard to rhyme "violet

Memories

Her face is etched on the inside of my eyelids, it's all I see when I close my eyes. Her laugh is like a broken record ringing in my ears, it's all that I hear. The memories we shared are painted on my mind. Memories of the time we went to a dance, but her parents had to take us, and how she blushed when I said she looked beautiful and at the end of the night, we held each other and didn't want to let go. The memory of sitting in a grove of trees and gazing up at the sky together, the way the stars reflected in her eyes, a million beacons of light, and that first kiss we shared that seemed to stop the flow of time as the world stopped and watched. The pain I felt when she said goodbye for the last time, and just like that, the candle that was our love was extinguished. She found another candle but I still have ours, though it gathers dust, refusing to let go and to forget about the first person I loved.

Too tired to write

I'm not feeling writing anything. Here is a gif of how i feel about ap calc

What is human?

Human isn't watching, its experiencing. It isn't standing on the sidelines during the game of life, it's running on the field, falling flat on your face, and getting up excited for more. It's about making mistakes and learning. It's about love and affection, pain and loss. Human is something that cannot be put into words, there is a reason nothing comes close to human. Human is creativity, human is the funny feeling you get when you get nervous, human is happiness you can feel in life. Human is building, shaping, making but also tearing, breaking, taking. Human brings pain, and loss, and sadness and also joy, gain, and happiness. Human is love for a random stranger, human is the cruelty towards others. Human is gazing up at the stars and realizing how small you are, but looking around and feeling important at the same time. Human is emotions, it is communication, and most importantly, human is connection. Connection with other humans, connection with the world, and connection with oneself. Humanity is unmeasurable but also palpable, easy to see when someone is human. And that's what makes humans, human.

Why I didn't go to Homecoming

i didn't go to homecoming this year. true, i am a senior, but i hate dances. it doesn't help that i still have ptsd from last years homecoming (worst date ever.) i simply hate the culture and tradition surrounding the dances at lone peak. everyone wants to be asked in some bullshit "cute" way and everyone needs to get all the cute pics for insta and they need to say hi to their friends to show off the piece of meat that they dressed up and brought to impress everyone. because thats how i feel people at dances treat each other, like a trophy to be shown off to others show that you are normal and that you do fit in, and that you are cool because "my date was the greatest." i hate the music that gets played and the fact that everyone knows the newest shitty club song force fed to them by the music corporations. i hate how everyone is obsessed with the doorstep scene and did you get some and why didn't you get any. i hate the stupid dress code and the fact that its because ldscorp seemingly runs lp. and i hate how i cant seem to find a girl that i want to take, why i haven't liked anyone for three years, and how i have to scramble to find a girl who i dont like and then i have to pretend that i am enjoying myself when all that i want to do is go home and be alone. i dont like dances...

childhood

"Youth is lost on the young" - Old people.

I miss being in elementary school. I miss being able to walk up to someone and just start playing with them because you were both full of energy. I miss recess. I miss four square. I miss grades not counting. I miss parents who loved you no matter what you did. I miss my old friends. i miss being accepted no matter what you looked like, or said, or did. i miss being fat and being okay with it. i miss being carefree.

i miss childhood.

An incomplete puzzle

I've always had a problem being myself. Day to day, situation to situation, person to person, I change. Different aspects of me shine through different interactions, pieces of a puzzle that is never complete. Alone, the puzzle is completed, but with others, I lose pieces of myself. The picture as a whole is incomplete. 

In my life i've learned that no likes someone who is different, so i conform. Even with my closest friends, I cant be my true self. Lone Peak as a culture itself perpetuates the idea that being different is wrong and even if I disagree, it is impossible to escape. A prison where the inmates are also the jailers, everyone watches the others and if they slip up, its solitary confinement. Anonymity is the only way to escape and everyone secretly wishes they could escape. I don't plan on revealing each and every piece of the puzzle in this blog, and I am certainly no poet, but hopefully someone can read this blog and gain something from it.