Sunday, January 4, 2015

REAL TALKN

Let me preface this by saying that I've been a memer since they first appeared on 4chan circa 2006 (ages ago in internet time). I remember refreshing /b/ all afternoon with the hope that someone would make a new meme. I was a memer back when Advice Dog was the only one and I still upvote every Advice Dog meme I see becasue of the fond rush of nostalgia it brings me. Nowadays, there are many thousand on quickmeme and other meme websites. I was a memer back before memegenerator was created (the first meme website) and I had to make them with MS Powerpoint or Paint. Speaking of meme websites, I was one of the first submitters to memebase.com and still have one of the top accounts there despite having migrated to reddit nearly 2 years ago. It was on 4chan and memebase where I cut my teeth creating memes, way before I had a reddit account and way before /r/adviceanimals[1] was created in late 2010. Back before I could get any sort of points or even username recognition, I was creating memes as a clever and easily digestible way to reflect on society, relate some story to my audience, or just be funny. Do you remember rich raven? No? I do. You probably don't remember depression dog, crazy girlfriend praying mantis, introspective pug, or friendzone Johnny either. I remember all of them. In fact, you have only submitted two posts to adviceanimals garnering a total of just 4 points and have not commented there any time recently. So please, respect my judgement regarding the direction of the subreddit and the integrity of posts I have held dear to my heart for nearly 7 years but you have no strong feelings for. Thanks.

Gr8 b8, m8. I rel8, str8 appreci8, and congratul8. I r8 this b8 an 8/8. Plz no h8, I'm str8 ir8. Cr8 more, can't w8. We should convers8, I won't ber8, my number is 8888888, ask for N8. No calls l8 or out of st8. If on a d8, ask K8 to loc8. Even with a full pl8, I always have time to communic8 so don't hesit8.

Hello, I am currently 16 years old and I want to become a walrus. I know there’s a million people out there just like me, but I promise you I’m different. On December 14th, I’m moving to Antarctica; home of the greatest walruses. I’ve already cut off my arms, and now slide on my stomach everywhere I go as training. I may not be a walrus yet, but I promise you if you give me a chance and the support I need, I will become the greatest walrus ever.

Zack McCord <3

2 comments:

  1. i am a heron. i haev a long neck and i pick fish out of the water w/ my beak. if you dont repost this comment on 10 other pages i will fly into your kitchen tonight and make a mess of your pots and pans

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  2. I want to say something before this whole thing gets out of control. In 1967, in the hot desert sun, a woman gave birth to a boy in the back of old pick up. She was a whore. She left the boy at a local church. The father at the church didn't like children, but he knew that being a disciple of the bible he couldn't possibly not take the small kid. Instead he ended up taking out his frustration on the boy. At the age of three, the boy was forced to use the toilet. Let me tell you the little fell into his own pile of poop more than once. By the age of 5, the boy the boy was reading the bible and chopping wood for the fire. Despite the father's harsh character, the boy loved him and thought of him as his true father. By the age of seven the father raped him three times. The boy ran away. He survived four days in the desert by eating cactus and scorpions. He was finally found by a drug cartel boss, who took the boy in. Mr. Sanchez was his name, and he was immediately impressed by the boys intelligence and grown up attitude. Mr. Sanchez provided the boy with an education at a private prep school and a nice house. The boy had sex for the first time when he was 12, the next year he graduated high school. He was the school's star running back. The boy was lost, although he liked Mr. Sanchez, he never thought of him as his father. The boy went to India, were he became a spiritual leader of a large tribe of farmers. With his power he turned the several plots that each tribe member had into a large corporate farm and became a millionaire. His assets grew as he bought into other successful start ups. He often got ahead in business with his great leadership abilities, but once in a while he used violence. This was India after all. By the time he was 22, the boy had all the money he would ever need. So he bought a yacht and traveled the world for 10 years. For 10 years he visited every major port, slept with girls from every country imaginable, and tried every drug ever made (by nature and by man). When he was 33, he was walking on a beach in French Guiana when he met a girl of Irish - Native American decent. She bared his seed. It was boy, perfect health. He moved them to Argentina, then London, and eventually Vermont. The man was 45 now, he has seen everything, accomplished everything, tried everything. He skied down the Swiss Alps, been at the North Pole, swam with hammerheads, everything! Yet he has never done one simple thing that we all take for granted every day, he met his father. He never played catch with his father, he never talked about women with his father. He never would. He died at the age of 63 when his parachute didn?t open when he was base jumping from Dagger Mountain in Washington, USA. Over three thousand people attended his funeral.
    I know what you are thinking. How does this story relate to me? Well I want you to go all the way back to the beginning of the story and remember the woman who gave birth to this incredible boy. You are like this woman. You are like this women because you are a whore.

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